Through a fog of sleepiness, I emerge, awake.
What started as a seemingly brief trip into alertness (due to consuming too much water before bedtime)
turns into a two-hour foray into the irrational battlefield of the mind.
Illogical questions interrupt my attempts to fall back into slumber; each raises its voice in a clamor
to be heard.
Shove that one down with truth? Up pops a second one, eager to consume time, energy, and emotions.
Squash another one with reason? Here comes an additional one, side-swiping with outlandish accusations.
Tick, Tick, tick.
The clock mocks my attempts to return to sleep. “Come on,” it chides. “Try your box breathing.”
Ha. My breathing attempts are no match for the midnight mind battlefield tactics.
“Shhhhhh,” The Holy Spirit soothes. “Don’t you remember I helped you before in times like these? The Lectio 365 nighttime prayers…try that again.”
It has been months since I needed that tool. I would place my phone next to my pillow, turn the volume down really low, and listen to the soft voices of people talking me through a gentle, recentering conversation with God. Each one lasts about 8-10 minutes. After listening to it, I would replay it until I would drift off to sleep. Often, during the second round, I would find myself calmed down. During the third time, I would fall asleep.
“Ok, I will,” I answered.
“The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it,” John 1:5 reminds me. “Am I carrying trouble in my mind from the worries of this day? Breathing in slowly, I receive God’s peace.”
“The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it,” John 1:5 reassures me. “Am I carrying tension in my body from the strains of this day? Breathing out slowly, I relax and release my stress to the Lord.”
I’m trying, Lord. Easier said than done, sometimes.
“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord,” Psalm 27:13-14
It continues, encouraging me
to reflect on where I saw God at work in my life that day,
how I experienced His goodness,
when I heard Him speak.
Next, it provides a time to pause, pray, and then soak up Psalm 121, another part of God’s word that comforts and speaks truth about God’s presence and protection. After a space of quiet comes guidance to repent, to receive God’s forgiveness, and finally, to rest in Him and rest in mind and body.
I fall asleep.
In the morning when I wake, my first thought is one of gratitude. I slept! “Thank you, God,” I murmur. Later this day, I will need to remind myself to find rest in God all day long. Rest, lately, seems harder to come by. A song comes to mind in the middle of evening craziness learning a new role while working on a previous role and trying to accomplish multiple things at once. “My Soul Finds Rest in God Alone (Psalm 62),” plays in my brain. This, too, is a gift. I need continual reminders of this truth. I wish I didn’t, but I do.
Psalm 61:5 “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.”
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